Hey Virtually Readers! Today’s post is serious(er) than usual. I’m here to spread awareness about Just-Another-Chapter Syndrome. Book bloggers and readers are the most susceptible, so I recommend reading about the symptoms and treatment.
First, let me tell you some of this disease’s history. It has been around as long as novels, as long as light, as long as stories. Despite it’s ancient-ness, it is still a major problem for thousands of people.
What are the symptoms?
I’m so glad you asked. Those afflicted with the syndrome may exhibit any of the following:
- Difficulty sleeping due to the book’s addictiveness
- Refusal to participate in social activities (except updating their Goodreads status)
- Muttering when called upon to do something ‘I’m just going to finish this chapter’… then proceeding to read for 5 more hours
- Lack of interest in food, unless cooked and brought to them.
- Criminal behaviour (such as staying out past curfew) caused by the book.
- Erratic head turning, eye flicking, and repetitive page-turning.
- Panic induced by separation (from the book)
- Plot-induced squeals, tears, or shrieks at seemingly random times.
- Temporary deafness (when asked anything that interrupts the story)
- Atypical responses to questions (e.g ‘How are you, Helen?’ ‘Grant and Michaela are my OTP’ ‘Have you washed the dishes?’ ‘ Get the sword. Get the sword. Or the wizard will beat you. Come on, Quilaris!’)
- Desire to ‘infect’ other people by flailing about the book that caused them harm.
As I hope I have made clear, this is pretty serious. It can cause harm to many people
and many dirty dishes. Does anybody you know exhibit these symptoms? Have you? If so, they may have Just-Another-Chapter Syndrome. If you or anybody close to you may have this, you must seek help immediately, for the good of yourself and the world.
How can this dastardly disease be cured?
Unfortunately, Just-Another-Chapter-Syndrome is extremely difficult to treat. The best method is prevention- that is, to avoid all book, especially exciting ones, entirely. Once it infects, it can stay with its host for life. But there are some things you can try to do.
- Operate by chopping the book up. This should only be done in the most dire circumstance, because it causes the patient significant distress.
- Temporarily hide the
bookinfector to force the patient to ‘get out of the funk’, so to speak. Unfortunately, this can also distress the patient, and does to offer a permanent solution, since all lost things can be found.
Play the patient’s favourite movie or TV show loudly in their room to distract them from the book. (This measure has been linked to just-another-episode syndrome and just-another-movie syndrome, serious in their own rights.)
- Return culprit book to library and introduce patient to a new book. This occasionally leads to reinfection, or, if the patient does not think the book is gripping, an unhealthily fast trip to the library.
- Offer the patient food ‘but only if you stop reading’
- Send the patient outside. Fresh air will do their excited brains good, and if it is uncomfortable (e.g, rain, only rocks to sit on, etc.) they may stop reading in order to come back inside. Unfortunately, this can cause other problems, such as injuries from poor outside reading posture.
- Give up. You’ve done all you can. Simply prevent the patient from reading other books when they finish the one that infected them. This can fail.
Have you ever shown signs of Just-another-chapter syndrome? Can you spread the word so that nobody is ever infected again? How (if at all) do you cure it?