books · features · Shar

Just-Another-Chapter Syndrome

Hey Virtually Readers! Today’s post is serious(er) than usual. I’m here to spread awareness about Just-Another-Chapter Syndrome. Book bloggers and readers are the most susceptible, so I recommend reading about the symptoms and treatment.

First, let me tell you some of this disease’s history. It has been around as long as novels, as long as light, as long as stories. Despite it’s ancient-ness, it is still a major problem for thousands of people.

What are the symptoms?

I’m so glad you asked. Those afflicted with the syndrome may exhibit any of the following:

  • Difficulty sleeping due to the book’s addictiveness
  • Refusal to participate in social activities (except updating their Goodreads status)
  • Muttering when called upon to do something ‘I’m just going to finish this chapter’… then proceeding to read for 5 more hours
  • Lack of interest in food, unless cooked and brought to them.
  • Criminal behaviour (such as staying out past curfew) caused by the book.
  • Erratic head turning, eye flicking, and repetitive page-turning.
  • Panic induced by separation (from the book)
  • Plot-induced squeals, tears, or shrieks at seemingly random times.
  • Temporary deafness (when asked anything that interrupts the story)
  • Atypical responses to questions (e.g ‘How are you, Helen?’ ‘Grant and Michaela are my OTP’ ‘Have you washed the dishes?’ ‘ Get the sword. Get the sword. Or the wizard will beat you. Come on, Quilaris!’)
  • Desire to ‘infect’ other people by flailing about the book that caused them harm.

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As I hope I have made clear, this is pretty serious. It can cause harm to many people and many dirty dishes. Does anybody you know exhibit these symptoms? Have you? If so, they may have Just-Another-Chapter Syndrome. If you or anybody close to you may have this, you must seek help immediately, for the good of yourself and the world.

How can this dastardly disease be cured?

Unfortunately, Just-Another-Chapter-Syndrome is extremely difficult to treat. The best method is prevention- that is, to avoid all book, especially exciting ones, entirely.  Once it infects, it can stay with its host for life. But there are some things you can try to do.

  • Operate by chopping the book up. This should only be done in the most dire circumstance, because it causes the patient significant distress.
  • Temporarily hide the book infector to force the patient to ‘get out of the funk’, so to speak. Unfortunately, this can also distress the patient, and does to offer a permanent solution, since all lost things can be found.
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Yes. This is the kind of house where (multiple) stethoscopes abide. 

Play the patient’s favourite movie or TV show loudly in their room to distract them from the book. (This measure has been linked to just-another-episode syndrome and just-another-movie syndrome, serious in their own rights.)

  • Return culprit book to library and introduce patient to a new book. This occasionally leads to reinfection, or, if the patient does not think the book is gripping, an unhealthily fast trip to the library.
  • Offer the patient food ‘but only if you stop reading’
  • Send the patient outside. Fresh air will do their excited brains good, and if it is uncomfortable (e.g, rain, only rocks to sit on, etc.) they may stop reading in order to come back inside. Unfortunately, this can cause other problems, such as injuries from poor outside reading posture.
  • Give up. You’ve done all you can. Simply prevent the patient from reading other books when they finish the one that infected them. This can fail.

Have you ever shown signs of Just-another-chapter syndrome? Can you spread the word so that nobody is ever infected again? How (if at all) do you cure it?

 

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14 thoughts on “Just-Another-Chapter Syndrome

  1. LOL, this is brilliant! I don’t seem to suffer from this as much as I used to (self-imposed time limits being the treatment of choice), but for the other sufferers, stay strong! Fight it!

    Alexa
    thessalexa.blogspot.com
    verbosityreviews.com

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    1. Sounds like a good treatment! (maybe I should have mentioned it). I’ve kind of succumbed to my illness multiple times (oopsies)

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  2. I HAVE BAD NEWS. I am aware of Just Another Chapter System and I AM TERMINALLY ILL WITH IT. There is no hope for me… Just let my family know I love them… and that I’ll be there for dinner… in just a few more minutes…

    (In all seriousness, though, Shar, this was a brilliant PSA. *claps*)

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    1. I suppose there are worse diseases to be infected by, although I can’t think of any at present. I wish you luck with your (hopefully entertaining) fight with disease.

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  3. Oh dear! Truly a terrifying syndrome indeed – I am shivering in my boots. Alas, upon reading your lovely, thorough breakdown of the symptoms, I am fearful that I may have caught the illness. Whatever shall I do? The world is, truly, falling down around my ears. 😉

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    1. I tried to suggest cures, but this is a feisty and stubborn disease whose symptoms can be life long. You’re going to have to put up with a crumbled world(around your ears) , apparently, but at least you’l have good (bookish) company! 🙂

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    1. The first step is wanting to be cured, so it looks like you’re stuck with the disease forever 😛 . I’m glad you liked this post!

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  4. Haha! This was truly brilliant. I have been in denial about having such a syndrome but now I see the error of my ways. I tend to keep flicking pages until I absolutely have to sleep or go to church. My parents can be strict so I don’t have temporary deafness, haha.

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    1. If it falls to me to stop you being in denial, then I will not shirk my duty 😀 Dangit sleep, if I didn’t need to sleep then I could read more ( I suppose you COULD read in church, but if I did it would be heavily frowned upon… actually no, I couldn’t read in church even it I wanted to).

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