Hello people! I am currently rather happy because I finally have break from school. I tried to write an interesting discussion post about religion (which I will finish eventually), but I got distracted. And I’ve already posted two reviews this week so I need to switch it up. So today, I’m writing a post about all the advice I always want to scream at book characters. (and there won’t be spoilers) (and links go to my review or goodreads)(and movie characters. Trust me, I love watching movies with other people, but they don’t feel the same way. Don’t ask me about Dolphin Tale (or do. I used my super skills to predict the entire plot correctly, including the timing of montages)) (expect sarcasm) ( I really like parentheses, okay)
Green Valentine: No, Astrid, it is NOT a good idea to keep your identity secret. There will be trouble. And HEARTBREAK. Trust me. I’ve seen this happen a million times before. It’s like Romeo and Juliet, but only your soul dies. Or maybe like Pride and Prejudice, because you’ll both hate each other. Don’t do it. Noooooooo.
Rose Daughter: Please, Father. Don’t take the object from the enchanted place. You will regret it. IT HAS HAPPENED BEFORE. Fairytales are there to teach you something.
Sever: *sarcasm voice* Yes, Rhine, approach the terrorists, that’s a GREAT idea.
The Importance of Being Earnest: Okay, Gwendolen, I have an idea. Why don’t you leave the discussion of agricultural depression to people who know what agricultural depression is, and talk about something ladylike. Muffins, for example, are a truly excellent conversation topic.
Solitaire: Tori, you are a great person. You’re intelligent, thoughtful, and have friends. Don’t waste your life on tumblr. Don’t moan about things. Get out and do something. Yes, I will force you if I have to. Please. Use your brain to solve this problem instead of staring stupidly at your laptop.
When We Wake: Tegan, my friend, you have just landed in a new century. I know things look fishy, but why don’t you give it two more months. Two more months to settle in a make friends before you investigate the military responsible for your life. I know human lives are in the balance- but could you just take it easy. And be polite to reporters for goodness sake.
Emmy and Oliver: Go easy on your parents, Emmy. Maybe you should only bring up one of the things that you’ve been hiding for them at a time. It’s a shock to their systems- you said it yourself. Be gentle: parents are people too.
Blue Lily, Lily Blue: *sarcasm voice* Go and explore the cursed cave, then. I’m sure nothing bad will happen to you. I’m sure none of the wrong sleepers will be woken. I’m sure that there are no hornets whatsoever.
Madame Tussaud: MARRY [spoiler] But seriously, it will be way better for you. Independent women are allowed to love.
The One: It is a truth universally acknowledged that keeping important secrets often causes the destruction of relationships.
A Ring of Endless Light: I think we can all agree that three boys is too many boys. (to be leading on at least)
Dance of Shadows: How about NOT going to the ballet school where your sister died due to mysterious unknown forces and instead lodging a police complaint?
So what did you think? Who would you advise? And have you read any of these? Are parentheses the best thing ever? ( Full disclaimer: I really enjoyed some of these books.) Be sarcastic in the comments!