not books

How to not practice flute*

* Or anything else for that matter. Contains 13 too easy steps. (Almost too easy, some would argue)

By Shar

Hello people! You may or may not know that I am a flute player. (Also ukulele kinda and piano). Actually you know now haha. I was thinking of funny things, and I am a hopeless procrastinator, so in case you needed any more help, here it is. If you’re wondering, I really should be practicing right now.

Step 1: Pretend you can’t find your flute, and continue doing whatever you’re doing (for example, reading the Help).

Step 2: Look behind you, and find it on the shelf it always is. (bonus points if you exclaim ‘Lo! My flute is just where it always is!’)

Step 3: Take it out of it’s case and put it together. Decide it needs polishing before any playing can be done. Spend 5 minutes multi tasking on polishing and reading.

Step 4: Decide you’re really hungry, and go and get some food. (Like a green apple.)

Step 5: Wash you sticky paws and mouth because you couldn’t bear to mar the shininess of your freshly polished instrument.

Step 6: Resign yourself to warming up.

Intermission for photos of my lovely flute Artemis. (So named for being a twin, eternal maiden, fierce huntress, silvery moon goddess and generally awesome, just like me!) (What, you don’t name your instruments?)

DSC03699 DSC03703

Step 7: Start playing your favourite songs and sections you’re good at, or get distracted and start playing Taylor Swift by ear.

Step 8: Get called for dinner/lunch/ to the toilet/ to rescue your sister’s stuffed toy from certain death.

Step 9: Decide you’ll actually start and get a metronome, discover there are no batteries, and spend several minutes searching for them.

Step 10: Begin playing for real and actually focus for 10 minutes before deciding you need to listen to what you’re playing on youtube.

Step 11: While on youtube, find the funniest cat video and get distracted.

Step 12: 15 minutes later, come back and practice seriously.

Step 13: Decide that after a hard 45 minutes practice, your embouchure needs a rest. Pack away your flute (being careful not to  over polish it) and return to your book.

Do you guys play instruments? What are your surefire procrastinating strategies? What do you enjoy procrastinating on? 

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14 thoughts on “How to not practice flute*

  1. This blog post is literally me!! I also play the flute (YAAY I FOUND A FLUTE BUDDY!) and I always procrastinate when I have to practise! My favourite thing to do when I should be practising is polishing my flute 😂 and I ALWAYS try playing Taylor Swift by ear! I also like to go on YouTube and watch other people practise playing their flute… Oops!! Hahah I loved this post!! -A x
    (Oh and I was about 9 when I got my flute so I decided to call her Tinkerbell – I probably would have chosen the same name today!! 😂)

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    1. Tinkerbell is a nice flute name. OMG you sound just like me (although I started when I was 10). Anyway, we’re taylor swift twin flute enthusiasts. That’s awesome. I’m glad I’m not the only procrastinator (especially on scales. They’re the worst) but nice to meet you, ayesha!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aawh thank you! I know it’s quite uncanny how similar we are!! GO TAYLOR SWIFT TWIN FLUTE ENTHUSIASTS 💜❤️ urgh yes scales and arps are my worst nightmare!! Nice to meet you tooo!!!! -A x

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  2. THIS IS SO RELATABLE I’M CRYING. XD I used to play cello. I’ve been procrastinating for…um, 12 months? HAHA. JUST KIDDING. No I decided to take a break because I was stressing over it too much, but hopefully I’ll one day get back into it. Also the piano. Although my sister has literally STOLEN the family piano and relocated it to her room. Not fair. -_- Also she plays the flute… for hours and hours. 😉 I seriously don’t understand how she does it.

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    1. It’s just so hard, practicing. To be honest, my flute isn’t quite as neglected as I’ve made it sound- I try to practice about 45 minutes daily. But I get distracted, or have to eat lunch, or something. So I don’t practice quite as much as your sister.Sometimes when you don’t have to do something, it becomes more fun. Like on Sunday, I didn’t have to practice at all and felt like it was okay to just play fun songs (taylor swift or hymns or whatever) and it was nice. Sounds like you have a music thief in your house!

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  3. I. love. this. ALSO YOUR FLUTE IS GORGEOUS ❤

    I play the guitar and I basically do everything that you do, except add a few more VERY important rituals to the instructions;
    1. Try to find a pick. It's disappeared off the face of the planet. Oops. Wherein spend the next half hour trying to find it.
    2. Decide that the guitar isn't tuned enough. Proceed to do this for the next ten minutes.
    3. Listen to Taylor Swift and hope that some of her amazing guiatr playing skills will rub off on you by magically stalking her on youtube checking her old songs.
    4. REPEAT PROCESS. Then realize you had come to play. Hehe.

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    1. Oh thanks! Artemis is my baby. I like your process, it sounds very effective. Picks must be easy to lose, I guess. Do you have more than one? Flutes are perfect, because they’re small enough to fit in a bag, but big enough not to lose. Guitars maybe sound like hard work; there’s a tiny, easy to lose guitar pick and the heavy, big guitar (maybe I’m lazy though? ukuleles ftw!) I like them as an instrument.

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  4. Ahaha, I love this! Mostly because I also procrastinate a lot when practising my instruments. And WOW YOU NAMED YOUR FLUTE. I never name any of my stuff, not even the pets I once had. Perhaps I am too much of an INTJ. AND OH MY you can play Taylor Swift by ear? That’s so awesome!

    Like

    1. You don’t name your pets? That’s so sad! How can they have an identity without a name? What? Yes, I can play (some) taylor swift by ear, and a lot of other things. The easier songs are to sing, the easier it is to play (so church songs are good too).

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  5. Hah! This made me laugh, mostly because I used to do piano and this is pretty much how I practied when I had to. xD I don’t play an instrument anymore because my musical senses are horrendous, but I feel ya.

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    1. Hahaha yeah it’s a hard life. My flute (and piano) isn’t actually neglected as much at I make it sound. But yeah, sometimes I just really don’t want to practice, but still feel a weird sense of obligation.

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