books

How I Broke Two Kindles in Six Months or Reasons to believe me when I say I’m really clumsy

By Shar

This is a very sad story. The fabulous Alyssa suggested I tell it. Note: It’s…embellished. So if you don’t like to hear about destruction and despair and guilt and how I, who everybody thought was perfect and invincible and the epitome of awesome, made a mistake (if you still don’t believe I could make mistakes… *consults chocolate supply*), then don’t read on. Put any other title ideas in the comments! (I can think of several others)

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Hopefully your curiosity is piqued by now. So it begins…

Once upon a time there was a family. The bestest, perfectest, most angelic member was called Shar. She loved reading. So her parents bought two marvellous devices which were famed throughout the kingdom land world. This was because they were gifts from nice people who knew Shar and her siblings liked to read. This was because their number one priority was to make her happy.  And indeed, these marvellous devices brought great pleasure to Shar and her somewhat inferior siblings. However, Shar never realised that two terrible acts of folly would once more pluck these kindles wonderful portals to fascinating worlds out of her grasp. About a year after receiving these tributes from her parents friends minions, Shar and her family embarked on an incredible journey to cross a treacherous mountain pass for fun.  on a journey to visit all of Shar’s devoted minions. At the end of this journey, Shar had to return home. While she waited for the perfect ride, she read Artemis Fowl War and Peace on her kindle. Soon a nice truck driver reverential carriage driver stopped and offered them a ride. Shar placed her most miraculous device on the seat as she climbed into the front seat. Lively bollywood music portentous Bach played. Out of the corner of her glamourous eye, Shar saw the hand of her dad most loyal father move his hand. Assuming it was in his interests too to take care of Shar’s most wonderful device, Shar pulled herself into the carriage and sat down. No sooner had she done so that she stood up, realising that the most wonderful device,her portal to new worlds, was directly under her butt elegant posterior. She desperately picked up her kindle, searching for signs of the inevitable damage. Alas! the kindle was broken. Harsh jagged lines crisscrossed its fine screen. The text was no longer legible, and ink pulsed gently underneath thee crack. Shar’s first miraculous portal had been destroyed by her own folly!

Six months later, Shar and her family had travelled for days down to the south of India Shar’s kingdom to visit relatives Shar’s subjects there. They were all blessing their prescence upon a cramped glamorous hotel room. Shar picked up the second wonderful device and unzipped it’s case. Using her supreme powers of navigation, she found her book, then left the kindle in it’s unzipped case and crossed the room to get a drink wave to her adoring subjects. Upon returning, she picked up the case off the shelf she had gently set it upon. Suddenly the kindle slid out and landed with a little click almighty crack upon the hard concrete marble floor. Again, Shar picked up her precious instrument and again crude alas because again, ink was swelling across the screen, harsh black lines creeping like spiders to each side. No pages would turn, no words would change. By her own folly the magical instrument of great renown had been broken destroyed.

So now Shar has 2 kobos instead!
So now Shar has 2 kobos instead!
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13 thoughts on “How I Broke Two Kindles in Six Months or Reasons to believe me when I say I’m really clumsy

  1. Dude, I feel ya. I’ve had 5 kindles. FIVE!!! The first three were ruined by my own folly, too. The first fell and it broke. The second, I accidentally stepped on and it broke. The third, I accidentally put my elbow’s weight on it (with the hand carrying my head) and it died. The fourth I gave to a friend because I got myself a Paperwhite AND I HAVE BEEN EXTRA CAREFUL WITH IT. So far so good! I’m not burying any new Kindles just yet!

    Faye at The Social Potato

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    1. It’s good to know I’m not the only one! These kindles are so easy to break! For people like me, you really need water proof, drop proof, sitting proof, basically shar proof kindles.

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  2. oooooh noooo! If it makes you feel better, my tablet broke last month. I mean, I was in class and I put it on my agenda on the desk and it just SLIDED to the floor. And the thing is it didn’t actually ”broke” there was just a small scratch but the sentitive touch screen stopped working so I could not turn the pages either :(((((

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    1. That’s terrible! I’m sorry! I have a lot of empathy. Considering how easy they are to break, it’s amazing that any touch screen device can last more than a year. That’s why I don’t understand people who put their phones in their back pockets… you sit on them all the time.

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  3. Is it bad to say I was laughing a bit while reading this post? But I am so sorry for the horrible misfortune that has befallen you. May your Kindles rest in peace, and hopefully your Kobos will not end up like they did. *bows*

    Aimee @ Deadly Darlings

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    1. No, my mum laughed too (and she had to suffer for the loss of the kindles) . I guess it was because I chose to portray it in a funny light, although it was really quite sad. There is no need to fear, for the noble and gracious Shar will forgive your crime of laughing at her royal acts 😄

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  4. This is, indeed, a grievous tale of tragedy. I AM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. But then happy you have a kobo now. 😉 (I also quite approve of Life In Outer Space. LOVE that book.)

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    1. The best part about kobos is that I can get library books from new zealand on them. So then I have two libraries 🙂 I liked life in outer space, but I found the romance a bit obvious, and the title completely unrelated to the book.

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  5. … You know, I would attempt to imitate your prose, but yeah, Heather did that and I’m running low on poetic juices today. But I’m so glad I asked for this story because that prose, girl, is amazing. You get so few lyrical blog posts these days. (Plus the snark. Oh, the snark.) I’ve never actually broken a Kindle — or even a smartphone, at that matter. I go straight for the disasters, also called computers which are significantly more expensive. *gulp*

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    1. Thanks! I was rather please with this myself. I appreciate the suggestion… I wouldn’t have thought of it otherwise. Now I really want to find out how you broke your computers. My siblings once broke one about 6 years ago while watching star wars, and ever since then we have been ‘encouraged’ not to mix drink (water, obviously), and laptop. The prose was a way for me not to feel embarrassed about the stupid way I destroyed these things 😛

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  6. Oh, your majesty, what tragedy befalls one of your noble ilk! What fragile portals do we own—fortunately, mine has come to no harm as of yet, but I ever worry. That it is why it is bound in a cover of my own illustrious kingdom. 🙂 At any rate, prithee, take more care with your Kobos, for who can bear to be parted from the realm of imagination for too long?

    (Also, Artemis Fowl is great. And I loved your crossing-stuff-out. It made me laugh. XD)

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    1. Aww thanks! Yeah, I wallowed in guilt for ages after breaking those kindles. I have the app now but I don’t use it. My siblings didn’t help, because they kept being like ‘I wanna read. Oh wait. Shar broke the kobos’. anyway, oh well.

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